Friday, March 27, 2009


I'm so tired, I close my eyes; but can't sleep. Too many things haunting my dreams and thoughts. I long for the day when I can close my eyes and really sleep. My body is getting tired too, not sure how much longer this can continue.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


One of my greatest fears is not of dying, but of dying from cancer. Watching people you love die of cancer really bites; I've watched it take my mother and good part of her family. It scares the crap out of me; I don't want to go that way! I feel like it's my destiny to leave this world that way & I'm going to fight like crazy for that not to happen!

About 2 months ago, I found a lump in my right breast. I tried to ignore it, but it wasn't going away. If I lay a certain way, I can feel it and it hurts! So I finally decided to get it checked and I'm not sure what hurts more; the lump or the mammogram. I watched the pictures develop on the monitor and saw the shadows; I could see the lump. In one way it was kinda cool and in another it's something you don't want to see. I know one thing, a woman did NOT develop the machine that does mammograms. Testing the dreaded wait! The envelope arrives, you open it....and you cry! Only this time, it's tears of happiness. Results are negative, no cancer! I have to get a follow-up exam and recheck in 6 months.

BUT....the lump is still there and it still hurts! What else is my body trying to tell me? Do I have the medical student disease? Am I going to get the symptoms from every disease I study? Am I going to drive myself completely mad searching for the answers to each pain, lump, creaking noise I hear or feel in my body? I guess only time will answer that question!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Father/Daughter Dance

This past month, Dan & Megan went to the father/daughter dance at school. I think I get more excited than they do, because I can finally dress Megan like a little girl. Normally I get to take Megan out shopping for a frilly dress, shoes, purse...the works! This year, they decided to do a "theme" dance. This year's dance was a western theme.
  • No frilly dress; it was replaced with blue jeans & flannel shirt
  • No patent leather shoes with lacy socks; cowboy boots and spurs took over
  • No up-do with spiral curls and glitter; it was replaced with a cowgirl hat (side note, I still curled her hair and put glitter on the ends!)
Dan & Megan father/daughter dance
Daddy's little girl growing up tooo quick!!!
Real Cowboys drive BIG trucks!!!

Megan all smiles for the camera!

Cowgirl up!!!!

The three amigos!!!

Dan and Megan both had a great time at the dance. Megan is in 5th grade this year, so this is the last father/daughter dance for school. It's that transition time from daddy's little girl, young lady. It seems like only yesterday, she was still in pull-ups! I wonder....will the next time Dan dances with his little girl....will it be at her wedding? HMMMM....only time will tell!


It's been a long time since I've posted anything. Many things have been happening in our lives, I've just been afraid of what I might say! On the outside, you try to keep the appearance that everything is ok; but you're lost on the inside. I've been lost the past couple months, but I'm slowing pulling myself out of the spinning world I live in these days. I'm thinking I can post on here again without worry I might say the wrong thing or let too much of me out!